Posts Tagged ‘fail’

1 week to Armageddon!

Friday, May 13th, 2011

I hope everyone is ready for next weekend, because it’s going to be fucking ARMAGEDDON!

At least according to the whack jobs over at ebiblefellowship.com and familyradio.com:

Ebiblefellowship judgement day

Screenshot from: http://www.ebiblefellowship.com/outreach/tracts/may21/

Of course crazy people have been predicting judgement day for a long time, even the book of revelations starts with “things which must shortly come to pass”.

I feel particularly sorry for the Jehovahs Witness who predicted the end of the world in 1914, 1915, 1918, 1920, 1925, 1941, 1975, 1994.. After all those miserable failures I think their current prediction is “any day now”.

Family Radio’s Harold Camping predicted 1994 to be judgement day, but now trying to weasel out of it by saying it was only probably.. Now however they are saying:
“Today there is no longer any question, May 21, 2011 is the day in which Jesus Christ will return” –Family Radio

Personally I don’t care when people out of contact with reality think the world is going to end, but I find this amusing for one single reason.. I’ll get to make a prediction, and it will have a near 100% chance of coming true. So without further ado, here is my prediction for the ebiblefellowship.com prediction:

  • On May 21, nothing out of the ordinary will happen. There might be a big earthquake (about 41% chance) or other natural disaster. But the believers will definitely find something, no matter how insignificant that they will take as a sign that judgement day is starting.
  • Between May 21st and October 21 every fucking accident and natural disaster that happens in the world will be attributed to being a part of Armageddon.
  • On October 22 my bets are:
    a) 90% – They will claim to have misread the bible.. Armageddon is not actually until  <Insert near future date>.
    b) 9.99% – They claim Armageddon happened, but most people failed to notice.. or that God changed his mind
    c) 0.00000001% – Armageddon actually happens
    d) 0.0000000001% – They admit they made it all up and were wrong.

So I’ll just add a link to this post in my calendar, and then I’ll be back to see if I won anything on October 22.. I think I’ll have myself some ice cream if the world is still alive and doing business as usual. Unfortunately the people who made the prediction will learn nothing and cognitive dissonance will just make them set a new date instead of realizing that what they’re doing is utter bullshit. Maybe when the world survives 2011, they can join forces with the retarded 2012 people, for an even greater failure :)

Judgement day May 21 2011

If you want to you can follow the countdown here:
http://www.familyradio.com

UPDATE (May 24. 2011):
So, obviously no Judgment day (but now he claims it happened, but was a “Spiritual judgement day”, which fits with my prediction for option c”, and that the real end of he world will start on October 21. (which kinda fits with option a in my prediction). And this even before October 21, then they will try rationalize their retarded belief system again. All in all I’m much better than your average claimed psychic :) At least now I get a 5 month break in mocking Harold Camping.

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Posted in General, Skepticism | 4 Comments »

10:23 Trondheim (Sleeping pill overdose)

Saturday, February 5th, 2011

Today was the international 10:23 campaign. Thousands of people with a bias towards reality took huge overdoses of Homeopathic “Medicine”.

I took around 70 (3500% overdose) homeopathetic sleeping pills today, if I had taken real sleeping medicine I would probably be dead or dying about now.

Homeopathy of course is pure and utter bullshit, the 70 pills did not make me sleepy or affect me in any way, which is exactly what is expected for a “medicine” which has no active ingredients and consequently fail to show any effect besides placebo when scientifically tested.

Letting 60 pills melt under your tongue at once kinda sucks btw…

Homeopathy overdose
OM NOM NOM NOM!

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Posted in Food & Drink, General, Science, Skepticism | 1 Comment »

SDCC ticket registration

Monday, November 22nd, 2010

Again, I tried to get my tickets for SDCC, but the server was taken down after 2 hours of fail (much like on November 1st.)
This is because the people responsible for this are a bunch of morons who are unable to handle a simple problem.

The problem:
you have tens of thousands of people trying to use a web server at a single moment.

This is not really a new problem, and unless your web application is utterly retarded, getting a webserver to handle 5000+ requests per second is no problem even on a single quad-core server. Getting a virtual server (cloud computing) that could take tons more would be dirt cheap since it would only be needed for a short while (1 day).

The solution:
It would be relatively simple to fix this, Just open the site to registrations. Let users enter Name and email address. Then send them a  confirmation. Don’t do any of the “heavy” back-end stuff like charging credit cards which can take some time. Then when everyone have registered, just e-mail them (in the order in which they registered) a link to a page where they can pay for the ticket and enter all the details (address, etc..). That way the initial flood of requests can be dealt with very efficiently and the stuff that takes longer time can be spread out over several days/weeks.

Now maybe the existing registration software they chose this time does not support this, but jeez.. Letting people enter their info and connect this to a payment is not fraking brain surgery. Any programmer could do this in 1-3 days without a problem.

Or if you insist upon using a heavier system, at least use some sort of load balancing..  Let the main server accept connections, organize them in a queue and then gradually transfer the users to the server that actually handles registrations. I’m completely baffled that a huge event like SDCC is unable to find someone who is able to do such a simple task in this day and age.

The conclusion:
Someone stupid took on the job of handling the registrations (epicreg.com) when they clearly had no way of handling that many requests, and there is no excuse cause they know what happened on November 1st. What does it all mean in the end, nothing. What are we going to do? boycott Comic Con? yeah right… I’m pretty sure SDCC could get away with literally crapping on the visitors, without having problems selling all the tickets.

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Posted in Computers, General | No Comments »

What the hell is he wearing?

Sunday, April 18th, 2010

We’ve kinda gotten used to the ridiculous hat big enough to hide an altar boy (too soon?)

Now somebody has dressed him up in something that looks a weird form of shoulder armor. This is obviously new territory for the Catholics, so they should learn from the experts in the field of over sized shoulder wear: Blizzard

Pope armor!

PS: Why would he wear a gigantic hat, but just a tiny cape? it makes NO SENSE!

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Posted in General | No Comments »

Star Trek (2009) Review – 32 reasons why it sucks

Saturday, May 9th, 2009

Last night I saw the new Star Trek movie, I’ve seen all the episodes of all the shows between 2-7 times each, so of course I need to watch this movie to..

Remembering how much Nemesis sucked, I was determined to have no expectations to the movie, just in case it turned out to be crap. But around 1 week ago I got to see like 25 minutes of the movie while at Fedcon, and then I got pretty exited, it looked really good and funny.

star_trek_2009-spock_and_kirk1

Unfortunately those 25 minutes contained everything that was good in the movie, and the rest 1.5 hours SUCKED.

I really hate the new Star Trek movie, it is by far the worst Star Trek movie (that includes such travesties as Star Trek 3, 5 and Nemesis).

The movie has NO Star Trek feeling over it what so ever.. The Movie is BORING and the plot is semi-retarded.

The movie is a Bland Cookie cutter action movie dressed up like Trek.

Note (I’m not a grumpy old guy who only likes TOS, and says there can be NO action in Star Trek).. I really LOVE TNG/DS9/VOY/ENT and First contact, Battlestar, Stargate, and those have lots of action (but not mindless action with poor plots)

Why the movie is a piece of shit

  1. The score/theme song is by far the worst ever, and I felt embarrassed every time it played.
  2. All the aliens have human personalities, the Vulcans, the Romulans, none of these act any different from humans.
  3. Bad guys with tribal tattoos on their face is not cool.. Just ask Mike Tyson.
  4. Even though being packed with action, it still manages to be boring as hell
  5. Boring CGI, for example the ice planet monster was crappy, but the ships were OK (exterior)
  6. The pitiful attempt to copy Battlestar Galacticas shaky camera for ship shots was really badly implemented
  7. Most of the humor did not really seem at home in the movie
  8. It is not Star Trek, it is just a mindless Hollywood action movie.
  9. A simple and boring ending
  10. The actors did NOT do a good job portraying the characters (Except for Mccoy which was excellent, and to some degree Kirk).
  11. Bad guy with a grudge trying to kill the hero (Does ST:II or Nemesis ring a bell?)
  12. Going back in time to destroy the federation? *cough* First Contact *cough*
  13. Why would Nero destroy the federation? He wants the future Romulans to get wiped out by the Borg, the Dominion, Species 8472 or the Sphere builders?
  14. A supernova that threatens the galaxy? That is like having a exploding car in London threatening people in New York..
  15. Being that close to a black hole would tear the atoms the ships were made of apart.. Not sending them back trough time in one piece.
  16. Spock setting Kirk out to probably die on a frozen moon, nice job portraying Spock and the enterprise crew.
  17. Scotty killing admiral Archers dog? WTF?!
  18. Scotty working with a Oompa-Loompa in a Ent costume?
  19. Making Spock and Uhura make out just for no reason what so ever except pleasing the 16 year olds in the audience.
  20. Why did the Federation suddenly loose sensor technology? They have great sensors in Enterprise/TOS.. In this movie they cant even see a second ahead while at warp (gigantic overpowered Romulan mining ships, allied Starfleet ships, debris or weapons fire)
  21. Vulcan children making fun of each other and fighting..
  22. Magical supernova that travels faster than light
  23. Using a black hole to collapse a supernova makes no sense
  24. Why is Nero so upset at Spock, it’s not like Spock caused that magical supernova, he just failed to help.
  25. And since when was it the Federations job to safeguard the Romulan Star Empire from natural disasters anyhow?
  26. When he got back in time, why not do something worth doing, like save those Romulans from being pwned by the supernova?
  27. That scene with Simon Pegg in the water tubes was like something out of Spy Kids, totally lame.
  28. The movie exists in a parallel reality to the established Star Trek universe.. So why would anyone give a rats ass about what happens in it? We all know Spocks mother was not killed, and that Vulcan is doing fine.
  29. Starfleet ships are ships of exploration.. The new ones are ridiculously over armed compared to all other series.
  30. Detonating warp cores between the ship would not move the ship since the matter antimatter explosion would produce only energy, no moving mass that could propel the ship.. The best they could hope for was to be fried with EM radiation. The ship also went to warp after ejecting it’s warp cores (Federation ships only have one).
  31. Building a Starship the size of the Enterprise on Earth’s surface in gravity is just silly.
  32. Even if you DID build Enterprise on the surface, a constitution class starship can not operate in a class-m planets lower atmosphere. So there would be no way to get the ship into space

PS
There are lots of other good reasons why the movie sucks in the comments to this post. I especially liked Ben’s comparison of the movie to The Wrath Of Khan :)

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Posted in Movies and TV | 111 Comments »

Død snø (dead snow) sucks – Ein Zwei Fail

Wednesday, January 14th, 2009

Against my better judgment I went with some friends and saw the Norwegian made “nazi-zombie” movie Død Snø (Dead Snow).

The movie is made by talentless writer/director Tommy Wirkola, who just 2 years ago embarrassed the country with a horrible Kill Bill parody (“Kill Buljo”). By looking at the trailer for Død Snø, it actually doesn’t seem so bad, and if the movie was as good as the trailer I would not be bitching and complaining right now.. But the movie itself fails at so many things it’s almost embarrassing.

Story – FAIL
Now I would be the first to acknowledge that a movie with nazi zombies does not need much of a plot. However there at least have to be SOMETHING, even if the plot is so simple as “zombies around, locked up in shopping mall / mountain cabin, try to escape” there still have to be events that pushes the story forward towards something. Watching Død Snø feels like going nowhere really slow, nothing really happens and there is nothing leading up to anything, no sense of progression, no nothing.

Characters – FAIL
The only properly developed character is killed early in the movie. The rest of the characters are uninteresting and with NO back story. The dialogs throughout the movie are lame and if you are going to have someone talk with the ugliest Norwegian dialect ever conceived (Stavanger) for the love of gods, ADD SUBTITLES!

Genre – 3x FAIL
The movie tries at three genres and misses all of them by a furlong.
Horror/zombie, the movie is not scary at all, it has no atmosphere what so ever and there is none of that tight, claustrophobic eerie zombie feeling. Just a few attempts on sudden/cheap scares which FAIL.
Comedy, the only good thing this movie has to show for are a couple of OK jokes. but sadly most of the movie is about as funny as watching Adam Sandler making dinner.
Splatter, this movie does not qualify as a splatter, there are only a few splatter scenes, most of which are pretty dull and unoriginal. Both the quality and quantity of the effects does not stand up well to other splatters.

Quality – FAIL
The sound sucks donkey balls.
The music sucks elephant balls.
The effects are mediocre at their best.
The zombie makeup is almost passable.
60% of the movie is shot in the dark.. by someone who can’t shoot in the dark.

Conclusion
This half ass movie reaches movies like Bad Taste, Braindead, Shaun of the dead, *real zombie movies* up to their ankles. I would rather have watched Braindead once again. No sound, no color, Portuguese subtitles, as a poor VHS rip on a broken LCD monitor, and with one eye shut.. It would still be roughly 3 times better than Død Snø:
braindead
“Artist illustration”

rating: 2.5 / 10

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Posted in General, Movies and TV | 3 Comments »