Posts Tagged ‘new star trek movie’

Google analytics (Big tits!)

Monday, June 7th, 2010

I love google analytics*, it’s great and awesome in all sorts of ways that I won’t go into right now, instead allow me to present some funny search queries that have all somehow led people to this blog.

*For those of you who didn’t know, Google Analytics is a way to know how many people visit your website, what they search for, or where they come from, etc…

variations of “stargate universe sucks” - 1100 hits
variations of “new star trek movie sucks” – 1800 hits

So far so good, at least there are a few people out there with good taste, but it is when you get down to the more unique searches, those with only a few hits that you find the weird stuff.. Apparently even tough Stargate Universe sucks, somebody on the show has huge (or big) tits :D

Stargate universe big tits - 13
stargate universe girl with big tits - 6
“stargate universe” “big tits” - 2
big tits on sgu - 2
big tits stargate universe -3
girl with big tits on stargate universe - 1
actress with the huge tits on stargate universe - 1
who is the girl with the big tits on stargate universe? - 1
biggest tits on stargate universe - 1
chick with huge tits on stargate universe - 1
sgu stargate universe big tits - 1
star gate universe big tits - 1
stargate universe huge tits - 1
sgu kills off big tits?- 1
stargate universe chick with huge tits- 1
stargate universe chick with big tits- 5

I can only assume they are looking for pictures of  Julia Benson:

Hmmm. I just realized that due to it’s questionable content, this post will undoubtedly attract more hits from people with nothing better to do than googling for Julia Bensons boobs..
So I might just as well throw in another picture, I’d hate for people to leave here empty handed.

Some other weird searches with only 1 hit

why do the shields on the enterprise suck?
– I have no idea, the real question is why would somebody write that phrase in a search engine?
mexican knick knacks
– I bet this guy was especially disappointed with my blog :(
why are everyone in stargate universe morons?
- I… Don’t… Know…
all video editing software sucks and makes no sense at all
- You should stick to pictures, they are simpler to wrap your head around
best brand donkey balls chocolates
- I’m afraid to even comment on this one :(
fedcon convention swine flu
- Hah! I see I was not the only one worried about swine flu duing fedcon 2009. Not so much worried about catching it, as guests not showing up
feed trondheim
- I’m definitely going to be keeping an eye out for starving children
jello shot launcher
- Let me know if you find one!
ms paint police
- These guys should have a SWAT unit!

J.J Lucas

Thursday, June 18th, 2009

Sometimes boredom can only be fought with photoshop..

jjlucas
George Lucas and J.J. Abrams conspiring to make bad movies

Star Trek (2009) Review – 32 reasons why it sucks

Saturday, May 9th, 2009

Last night I saw the new Star Trek movie, I’ve seen all the episodes of all the shows between 2-7 times each, so of course I need to watch this movie to..

Remembering how much Nemesis sucked, I was determined to have no expectations to the movie, just in case it turned out to be crap. But around 1 week ago I got to see like 25 minutes of the movie while at Fedcon, and then I got pretty exited, it looked really good and funny.

star_trek_2009-spock_and_kirk1

Unfortunately those 25 minutes contained everything that was good in the movie, and the rest 1.5 hours SUCKED.

I really hate the new Star Trek movie, it is by far the worst Star Trek movie (that includes such travesties as Star Trek 3, 5 and Nemesis).

The movie has NO Star Trek feeling over it what so ever.. The Movie is BORING and the plot is semi-retarded.

The movie is a Bland Cookie cutter action movie dressed up like Trek.

Note (I’m not a grumpy old guy who only likes TOS, and says there can be NO action in Star Trek).. I really LOVE TNG/DS9/VOY/ENT and First contact, Battlestar, Stargate, and those have lots of action (but not mindless action with poor plots)

Why the movie is a piece of shit

  1. The score/theme song is by far the worst ever, and I felt embarrassed every time it played.
  2. All the aliens have human personalities, the Vulcans, the Romulans, none of these act any different from humans.
  3. Bad guys with tribal tattoos on their face is not cool.. Just ask Mike Tyson.
  4. Even though being packed with action, it still manages to be boring as hell
  5. Boring CGI, for example the ice planet monster was crappy, but the ships were OK (exterior)
  6. The pitiful attempt to copy Battlestar Galacticas shaky camera for ship shots was really badly implemented
  7. Most of the humor did not really seem at home in the movie
  8. It is not Star Trek, it is just a mindless Hollywood action movie.
  9. A simple and boring ending
  10. The actors did NOT do a good job portraying the characters (Except for Mccoy which was excellent, and to some degree Kirk).
  11. Bad guy with a grudge trying to kill the hero (Does ST:II or Nemesis ring a bell?)
  12. Going back in time to destroy the federation? *cough* First Contact *cough*
  13. Why would Nero destroy the federation? He wants the future Romulans to get wiped out by the Borg, the Dominion, Species 8472 or the Sphere builders?
  14. A supernova that threatens the galaxy? That is like having a exploding car in London threatening people in New York..
  15. Being that close to a black hole would tear the atoms the ships were made of apart.. Not sending them back trough time in one piece.
  16. Spock setting Kirk out to probably die on a frozen moon, nice job portraying Spock and the enterprise crew.
  17. Scotty killing admiral Archers dog? WTF?!
  18. Scotty working with a Oompa-Loompa in a Ent costume?
  19. Making Spock and Uhura make out just for no reason what so ever except pleasing the 16 year olds in the audience.
  20. Why did the Federation suddenly loose sensor technology? They have great sensors in Enterprise/TOS.. In this movie they cant even see a second ahead while at warp (gigantic overpowered Romulan mining ships, allied Starfleet ships, debris or weapons fire)
  21. Vulcan children making fun of each other and fighting..
  22. Magical supernova that travels faster than light
  23. Using a black hole to collapse a supernova makes no sense
  24. Why is Nero so upset at Spock, it’s not like Spock caused that magical supernova, he just failed to help.
  25. And since when was it the Federations job to safeguard the Romulan Star Empire from natural disasters anyhow?
  26. When he got back in time, why not do something worth doing, like save those Romulans from being pwned by the supernova?
  27. That scene with Simon Pegg in the water tubes was like something out of Spy Kids, totally lame.
  28. The movie exists in a parallel reality to the established Star Trek universe.. So why would anyone give a rats ass about what happens in it? We all know Spocks mother was not killed, and that Vulcan is doing fine.
  29. Starfleet ships are ships of exploration.. The new ones are ridiculously over armed compared to all other series.
  30. Detonating warp cores between the ship would not move the ship since the matter antimatter explosion would produce only energy, no moving mass that could propel the ship.. The best they could hope for was to be fried with EM radiation. The ship also went to warp after ejecting it’s warp cores (Federation ships only have one).
  31. Building a Starship the size of the Enterprise on Earth’s surface in gravity is just silly.
  32. Even if you DID build Enterprise on the surface, a constitution class starship can not operate in a class-m planets lower atmosphere. So there would be no way to get the ship into space

PS
There are lots of other good reasons why the movie sucks in the comments to this post. I especially liked Ben’s comparison of the movie to The Wrath Of Khan :)